🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?